what about the future?

So this evening I was talking with some pretty amazing people, that I have been blessed to get to know over the summer.
We were at youth group, and the question came up about what we worried about.
The answer could be anything. And of course when it was my turn I said something pathetic...and then when we where done I realized what I could have said, because it is something I do truely worry about.

And that is, "What about my furture?"

I know that that is a common question, especially to people around my age. But it has been something I have stressed about since i was 14.

So I went up to Michele after and started telling her, Robert, Kristen, and told them pretty much this.

I worry about what I am supposed to do with my life. As many of my friends know, I would love to do something with film, or performing. I love to dance, and act. Being on stage is such a rush. But I also really love writing, and cinematography. I find the whole art of making movies fascinating. I want to some day be able to make movies with a message, with some good or important meaning. I have wanted to do that since I was 8.

So as you can see, my problem is not so much what "I" want to do..."I" already know what that is...but the real question is, is that what God wants me to do?

That question has been my main problem...I guess you could say. Because you see, I want to live a life that God would want me, or anyone for that matter, to live. To glorify Him, and live out His plan for me...
but I wonder, what is it? Is it film? The thing I really like and am interested in? I don't really know yet, thats what worries me.

I wonder if maybe God wants me to do something else with my life, something completley different from what I have sort of planned.

I get scared thinking, "what if I miss His memo?"...or..."what If its something I really don't wanna do?"
things like that.
Although, I want to do what God has in store for me, because that would make me happy more than anything. And He knows that.
I almost feel like I'm running out of time, because I only have two more years of school before college.

So that was pretty much what I told them, and Michele goes "That makes me feel so happy Tori! Just the fact that you want to please God and at such a young age have figured that out. It just gives me chills!"
I love Michele.

So we talked, the three of us, about how God works, and how almost everyone goes through this type of thing. What they told me that stuck with me the most, was that God will tell me in His time, not mine.

I don't really know what I'm gonna do with my life yet, although I obviously have ideas :)

But I will just wait and let God tell me what path to take, because thats what scares me most, is not knowing when its time to listen, when it IS God talking, and not jsut me.

When its what "He" wants, and not what "I" want.

So the reason I wanted to write this, is because I just couldn't stop thinking about it, and it was all jumbled in my mind. When I write, it helps me organize my thoughts, get them out, and feel...better.
And after tonight, talking this out with some very smart people, the worry is not all the way gone, but one step closer.

Because I know who is in controll anyway
:)